it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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