i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
