Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
