know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
