Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
