so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
