I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
