guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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