lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
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you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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