he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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