erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
do herpes really smell.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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