You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
