Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
