Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
