I saw his package. It spoke to me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
