yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
