Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
