maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
