Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
