Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Terrible idea I love it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
