oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
