You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
