My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
