You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
