Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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