put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
