Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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