I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
