I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
