Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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