Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
