I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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