I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
