You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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