It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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