man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
