ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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