Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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