quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
