It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
