It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
