... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
