man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
