Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
