his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Success! We fucked roommates!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
