Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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