I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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