found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
