I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
