It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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