dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
