I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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