He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
