so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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