i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
