I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.