yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell