last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Some milfs here doing some blow
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.