i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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