I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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