My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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