Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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