i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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