Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
