She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
