***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So vagazzling was a success
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
