We're facebook friends in real life
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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