tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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