I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.