Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.