yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge