do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
