is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
