guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
