I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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