My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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