last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
