Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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