dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
