ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
