We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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