Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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