If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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