i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need water and some morals
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
