At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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