he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
