New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
