btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
